Merc Rule 48

Written by J. D. Wiley --- Art by J. D. Wiley

Welcome to WR 103.7 “The Merc” with wasteland legends Spivey and Coyote Joe!

Merc Rule 48: If at first you don’t succeed… explosives ain’t your calling

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COYOTE JOE: It takes a special kinda crazy to be a demolitionist. The closest most mercs ever get to the profession is carrying a couple o’ frags. Just in case things gets dicey. Reason being, the sheer unforgiving volatility of the stuff.

SPIVEY: As if that weren’t obvious already. Ain’t like ticking time bombs are made of second chances.

COYOTE JOE: Exactly. So if you don’t have a good mentor, or heaps o’ luck, it’s best for all involved if you steer clear of anything that can splatter your meaty bits against four walls and a ceiling. ‘Fraid to say, we seen it happen. Ain’t that right, Spivey?

SPIVEY: Yep…

COYOTE JOE: Matter o’ fact, we was the ones hired to clean it up. Apparently, there wasn’t anyone that could push a mop without puking long enough to right the mess. But being men of experience, me and Spivey seen our fair share o’ claret.

SPIVEY: They don’t call it the bloody business for nothing.

COYOTE JOE: So we walked into the Bitter Bullet. Place was a real horror show. We’re talking sticky floorboards, chunks on the ceiling fans, all manner of unidentifiable parts on chair backs, barstools, and pool tables. It was… pretty nasty. Looked like some poor bastard hucked himself right into a woodchipper.

SPIVEY: Looked like some poor bastard hucked himself right into a woodchipper. Rooster wouldn’t even follow us in without a hanky tied around his nose and mouth.

COYOTE JOE: Come to find out the Kabukimono and the Broken Axle Gang were going toe to toe outside in the streets of Three Hub. When the fight made its way indoors a young merc by the name of Ran “Diesel” La took it upon himself to send ’em right back out. He’d put together a makeshift grenade.

Well, it worked about as well as you’d expect for something referred to as a makeshift grenade… Didn’t leave much left of him, or the five fellas involved in the brawl. Cleared out the bar pretty quick too, seeing as having a gizzard land in your lap ain’t exactly what customers are paying for.

SPIVEY: Not at the Bitter Bullet anyway.

COYOTE JOE: Situations like these are the whole reason me and Spivey never got into tinkering with explosives ourselves. That’s a whole different set o’ licenses, and plenty of other mercs are already peddling reliable wares to get involved in any kinda risk like that.

SPIVEY: So if you’re the type o’ fella that tends to learn things the hard way, best to steer clear of ’em altogether.

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Tune in next time for more wasteland wisdom!

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